Well it's officially Monday which means the weekly bullshit is just beginning. But with Monday also comes a new week of content so let's get it started with a look at who's on the comeback trail in a brand new installment of Who's Back.
Texas- Okay I admit it, the Longhorns are officially back after taking down No. 7 Oklahoma at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas. This game was all you could hope for out of a Red River Rivalry as true freshman Cameron Dicker, or recently dubbed "Dicker the Kicker" won it for Tom Herman on a 40-yard field goal with 9 seconds left. This win vaulted Texas into the AP Top 10 which is a spot they haven't been in since some guy named Colt McCoy was at quarterback. That name just sounds like a guy who would flat out suck in the NFL but what do I know. Moving on. I think it's time we take Texas seriously................................[LMFAOOO]. Sorry folks, the day I take a BIG 12 team seriously is the day I walk on water. But Texas is back.......sorta.
Grass Fields- Were getting into the heart of October which means it is that time of the year when College and NFL shared stadiums with grass playing surfaces begin to take the spotlight. FOX and CBS sideline reporters such as Tracy Wolfson, Evan Washburn, Pam Oliver, and Erin Andrews just can't wait to give you field condition updates before and during the games. It's like a mixture of cocaine and whisky to them. For example, Heinz Field is shared by the University of Pittsburgh and the Pittsburgh Steelers and this weekend was one of the few where both played home games. During Pittsburgh-Syracuse on Saturday, rain showers made an already beat up surface into a train wreck and overtime didn't do it justice. But don't blink just yet, because the field on Sunday for the Falcons-Steelers looked like Stevie Wonder ran a goddamn 747 across it. Bare spots everywhere, dirt kicking up, and dead grass patches led to very shaky playing conditions. This is happening in a multitude of stadiums around the country and colder weather combined with any amount of rain or snow will make these fields look like cow pastures. Why can't schools like Pitt, Miami, and Temple just get their own places to play and not continually F the coinciding NFL teams' A running amok in their stadiums? Downright disgraceful.
Pumpkin Carving- With Halloween (the worst holiday of 'em all) in just three short weeks, it's time to buy those pumpkins (not go to the fucking field and pick them yourself like apples because it's painfully stupid) and carve them up in all different patterns and designs. Whether it's your typical jack-o'-lantern or your Michelangelo-like silhouette of a dick or a vagina or something else completely rude and indecent, pumpkin carving is an American favorite each and every year. Perhaps if you're crafty enough, you cut out the classic 2 dudes DP'ing some chick on her knees. Yeah you can vividly imagine whats going on there. Very offensive but forever a Halloween classic.
Weather- Seems like ages ago when the most overrated hurricane of all-time came crashing down on the Carolina's and delivered some hefty rainfall totals across the region. Let's take a minute to clear things up, yes Hurricane Florence was a catastrophic natural disaster and there's no doubt about it but this was one of the biggest underachievers in the history of forecasting. We went from biblical rainfall and wind to a few clouds and MAYBE four raindrops but no more than that. Weather people put everyone in a tizzy for just another average day. However, weather has another shot at things as Tropical Storm Michael is expected to be upgraded to a hurricane in the early part of this week. Florida is bracing for a potential Category 2 impact with the system running straight NE into the heart of the Carolina's once again. I love this kind of stuff, I root for it, but I don't trust it......just yet.
Toys 'R' Us- Yes you read it correctly and yes the 6 year old inside of you has a massive erection because of it. Toys 'R' Us was a magical place as a kid. You couldn't get enough of it. Action figures, LEGOS, Hot Wheels, bikes, Nerf guns, etc. You name it, they had it. The company has recently announced the intention to resurrect the retail store in the near future. After closing the final store in America not too long ago, a daring group of investors is in the beginning stages of taking the company out of it's massive debt hole with plans to revamp the brand in 2019. Now as someone with tons of experience in the business and stock market departments, I can tell you that 2019 is light years away for a retail company. Retail is the most fickle and volatile fields of them all as new products and selling platforms open new voids in the marketplace at unprecedented rates. Don't get your long-term hopes up of this actually becoming a reality, but for now, we can all celebrate the "return" of Geoffrey the Giraffe.
Take a note.
-Doorman
Comments