College boys (and pedophiles) all over the world will agree with me when I say that Halloween is like a fine wine; it gets better with age. The younger you are, the more innocent the costume is. The older you get, the less thought (and money) gets put into the costume. When choosing a costume for Halloween in college, it becomes a matter of wanting to be a HallowHoe or a HalloWeenie. Here is my break down of the two:
HallowHoes are the girls who may have had some daddy issues in the past. There is a direct correlation to their age and the amount of clothing that is on their body; less is more in their case since hoes NEVER get cold. These are the girls who wear a scrap of cloth over their nipples and call it a “slutty (insert noun here).” These are the girls who end up blacked out and on OldRow aka the girls I aspire to be like.
HalloWeenies are the girls who simply don’t give a fuck about anything. They are the ones who put some thought into their costume to get the laughs out of the people. They maybe show up downtown in a sloth onesie or dress as a GameBoy, walking up to people and asking if they want to play a game. They are the girls who get the weird looks from the HallowHoes who are thinking “what the actual fuck was this girl thinking.” They are the girls who don’t wake up in a stranger’s bed the next day solely because they have an exam at 9am. I am not speaking from experience about being a HalloWeenie, but I am speaking from experience.
Now, I am not saying that a girl is strictly a HallowHoe or a HalloWeenie; they can certainly be both. However, will you ever see me dressed like a HallowHoe? Probably not. Hence the pen name.
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