I hope everyone out there is having a fantastic week, but it’s time for the one single thing that gives our life meaning every week. The weekend and all the football you can handle. I’ve been up and down throughout the last couple weeks on these picks. Editor’s Note: Straight down in this shitter, this guy blows. But something about how long and grueling this week has been has put me in a football kind of mood. Here are the fastest three ways to make (lose) money this weekend.
Panthers @ Steelers
Steelers -3.5
Our first Thursday night pick ever. Since I’ve never lost money on a Thursday Night game I think this is a steal of a pick. I should be charging money because of how good this pick is. The Steelers started out like pure ass but have somehow turned it around and are starting to look like a team that could lose to the Patriots in the playoffs. AB did get arrested for driving 100 this week, so I expect him to be available and playing in full capacity, in accordance with the NFL Disciplinary rules. Put you bookie out of business and put the money on the table now.
Oklahoma St. @ 6 Oklahoma
Over 80
Bedlam is a factory for the grossest defense ever witnessed on a football field. I am officially declaring that the Sooners have the worst defense of a top 6 team ever, probably top 10 too. But the shortstop taking the snaps can fucking play. Kyler and Sooners score 60 at a minimum, so I’m not sure how the over doesn’t hit. Is Oklahoma holding Oklahoma St. under 40? Honestly I doubt it. If I was Vegas I would have set the over at 103. But I’m not so I just get murdered by them every week. Just like the over in Norman this Saturday.
16 Miss St. @ 1 Alabama
Bama -24
There really isn’t anything left to say about the Tide at this point because it’s just kinda boring. They just beat a top 3 team by 29 points on the road at night. So Vegas decides to come back with a 24 point line against a team that can’t throw the ball and it’s at Bama. I give the Bulldogs no chance in this one as I expect the top two teams n the country to cement themselves as the only real players for a title this year. Bama does have to be careful. Even though it’s a top 25 game it feels like a trap game. Just beat LSU, last real game before Auburn…. Spooky, but their Coach is Nicky Satan himself. They don’t have trap games because he is just that damn good. Watch out Bulldogs.
I have nothing to say other than I will be getting violently drunk sometime in the next twelve hours and urge you do the same until about 6am on Sunday. Then chug a water and hold yourself while you contemplate just how fucked you are on Monday. Viva la Weekend!
-Skipper
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