How to Bake a Cake With a File In It

Alright folks, let’s get real here. At some point in your life, assuming you run with the right crowd, one of your friends is gonna end up in jail. If you think this doesn’t apply to your group, well pal, then it’s probably you. My point is that every group has that one guy that takes it too far one time and ends up in the back of a cop car with a one way ticket to the slammer. As a friend of said friend, it’s pretty much your job to get him out. Before you try something stupid like posting bail, try this first. Trust me, it always works in the movies.

Here’s how to bake a cake with a file in it:

First off, there are two classical schools of thought on the matter:

· Put the file in the cake before it goes in the oven

· Put the file in the cake after it comes out of the oven

We are going to explore the first school of thought but will touch on the second at the end.

First thing’s first, you’re gonna need all the fixins for a cake. For this scenario we are gonna be making a classic chocolate cake. But just to be clear, you can put a file in just about any kind of cake.

Here are the ingredients you will need (shout out to allrecipes.com for the recipe, click around on there and find something to make for your mom, they love that crap):

· 2 cups sugar

· 1 ¾ cups flour

· ¾ cups unsweetened cocoa powder

· 1 ½ teaspoons baking powder

· 1 ½ teaspoons baking soda

· 1 teaspoon salt

· 2 eggs

· 1 cup milk

· ½ cup vegetable oil

· 2 teaspoons vanilla

· 1 cup boiling water

What to do with all this stuff:

· Preheat your oven to 350 °F (or 175 °C if your buddy is dumb enough to get locked up outside the US)

· Grab a big bowl and mix everything except for the water. (Mix dry ingredients together first then add the wet ones) Once these ingredients are well mixed, add in the boiling water.

· Pour this mix into greased baking pans

· Wrap the file in aluminum foil and lay it in the batter. Aluminum foil will keep the cake clean from the file and it won’t melt in the heat. Note: Make sure the file is fully covered by the batter, you don’t want it sticking out and blowing your cover

· Bake for 30-35 minutes and let cool for 10 minutes

· Throw some icing on that thing (optional)

Baking the cake with the file already inside is superior because the cake appears to be normal looking from the outside. Had you elected to just jam the file in there after baking it, you could crumble the cake, leaving only icing to cover it up.

Now you’ve got a foolproof escape plan. Just head over to the pen, during visiting hours of course because you do not want to attract attention, and deliver your gift.

If this doesn’t work or backfires in any way, you did it wrong and I cannot and will not be held responsible.

- Weekend Warrior