Sports. It is what brings man together. A modern gladiator fight between alpha males who don’t give a rat’s ass about their bodies.
Playing through the pain is nothing new. When you’re under contract, you have to perform; there is just no way around it. If you play with a sprained ankle, jammed finger, or even a shattered femur, it’s just another day in the office. It gets interesting though when your injury affects your pearly whites.
Players that are missing teeth have an enormous advantage over players with all 32 and here’s why:
1. First is the obvious one, guys with missing teeth are ten times more intimidating because they look like complete psychopaths. If you’re lined up across from a dude and can see clear down to his stomach when he smiles, you know this guy isn’t concerned with safety. His, or yours. Buckle your helmet and get ready for a physical 60 minutes.
2. That gaping hole in their face is just like a scoop on the hood of a racecar. At high speeds that racecar is sucking in huge amounts of air to cool the engine and create maximum power. The same is true for these elite athletes. Extra oxygen means they are bigger, faster, and stronger than anyone else in the game.
3. Being an athlete is a full time job, which means treating the body like a temple each and every day. One of these daily routines is teeth brushing. Guys without teeth don’t have to worry about that, cause there ain’t anything to brush. This extra four minutes each day is spent getting better. That may not seem like a lot, but over the course of one calendar year, that’s a whole extra day to lift heavy things and put them back down.
4. On a similar note, if there isn’t a point in brushing your teeth, there sure as hell isn’t a point in going to the dentist. All the money they’ve saved on copays can instead be spent on protein. Lots and lots of protein.
5. Lastly, players without teeth win championships. That’s a fact. While it may have taken 100 years to do it, Alex Ovechkin hoisted the cup with the Washington Capitals. Michael Strahan, Super Bowl champion with the NY Giants. Some may argue that he has all of his teeth, but that is just too big of a gap for there not to have been a tooth there at some point. And finally, four time world champion Jack Lambert of the Pittsburgh Steelers, the poster boy for grit and toughness.
- Weekend Warrior
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