2018 Midterm Elections

November 6, 2018. Election day. We have finally reached the midterm elections where many seats in the House of Representatives and Senate are up for grabs. Now here at CBC, we hate to get political. Our platform is about unity, not division. I can’t stress that enough but there is one race in particular that I think we need to all pay attention to. This race is the Georgia governor race. Why is this important you ask? Well it really isn’t about the actual race or repercussions it could potentially have but about one man in particular that is a true American that I think everyone can get behind. This man’s name is Brian Kemp. Look, I really don’t give a flying fuck about his political stance. I have done 0 research on him or his policy but I do know he is a Republican, however, that is not the point. The reason I am with this man every step of the way is his incredible commercial which he released last week. It was first pointed out via Twitter and 7 seconds into it I already knew this guy fornicates way more than any man in the world not named Robert Kraft. Side note: Kraft was kicking it back with 50 Cent at the Packers game on Sunday night along with Bon Jovi so he clearly sexes it up on a daily basis. Anyway, if you have not seen Kemp’s commercial, here’s a breakdown:

· The opening 5 seconds consist of Kemp standing hands on hips in a green flannel shirt and jeans talking about blowing up government spending along with a prompt explosion in a grassy field over his right shoulder. Hot start.

· The next frame has him sitting on some type of wood log bench holding a shotgun that he pumps while he explains his stance on gun control. There is also an assembly of other shotguns, ammo, and scopes flanking him in some type of rugged barn.

· The next part may be my favorite. We see Kemp standing on the right side of the screen with a large American flag hanging gracefully on a barn or garage type structure while he says, “My chainsaw is ready to rip up some government regulations.” We then see him pull up a Stihl MS 271 FARM BOSS chainsaw and cranking it while holding it proudly.

· The last intriguing part of the commercial consists of him in a FORD F350 while saying, “I got me a big truck, in case I got to round up some criminal illegals and take ‘em home myself.” He then starts his truck and with a comical grin goes on to say “Yep, I just said that.”

This is not an endorsement. You can vote for whoever the fuck you want I really don’t care but good God this commercial makes me want to run outside, shotgun a cold beer, shoot some guns, and wave the ole red, white, and blue around more than anything else. Political ads nowadays are all about pointing out the faults in other candidates or making America seem like some kind of hellhole that said person can single-handedly repair. This ad gets down to the roots of the American people. Simple, pronounce, and effective. When was the last time you saw a candidate for governor crank a chainsaw in a campaign ad? That’s right, never. Brian Kemp has a personality that we can all relate to. He is the Mike Leach or Mike Gundy of political figures. He probably has no idea what an iPhone is, has a TV with an antenna at the top, and has dial-up internet on a beige computer monitor that he uses solely to check emails and play Solitaire. He gets his weather from the Old Farmer’s Almanac and makes his own beef jerky. In conclusion, Kemp is why America is the greatest country in the world and is a no-brainer solely because of this commercial. Whether you’re a Democrat or Republican, Liberal or Conservative, don’t let these political races get you fired up and upset. Lighten up and have some fun with it. I don’t care who you are but Kemp’s commercial is funny and things like this make me realize that everything in the end will work itself out.

Take a note.

-Doorman